Thursday, September 3, 2009

Pedicab Confessionals 2.0

It's been a beautiful couple days here in the nations capitol! So while business may be slowing down, the truth is I get to spend all day outside and get a decent workout. I'd really like to be laying in the shade on the grass spooning, but we can't all get what we want.

So being a beautiful day, two schmucks from Missouri had to sort of ruin it. Two guys got on my cab and to say there were large is an understatement. They said they weighed 400 pounds, when it's more likely they weighed close to 600 pounds together. But that's really their problem isn't it?!

Anyways... as soon as they got on my bike (we were headed to the White House) one of them starts talking about how he wants to take a dump on the porch of the White House., or at least moon the President. Clearly, none of those are real options and for even mentioning it, I now have the excuse to ignore everything else that comes out of his mouth! I do tell him that he needs to be careful because the secret service has the right to detain him for as long as they'd like without reason.

He then starts asking me if I'm happy about the way the country is being run and how the healthcare bill is going. I say I'm content. He asks if I feel good about my future. (I think it should be stated here there is no way this guy could have been over 30 and chances are he was younger than me). My Future?! I said, "Dude, I'm riding a pedicab, my future looks amazing!" His future looks short if he doesn't do something about his big fat belly and high cholesterol.

Then the racist shit starts coming out of his mouth about having a black President and something about how all of the black people in Missouri are stupid and he realizes that all of the smart ones are in DC. I totally didn't even respond to that.

(I am whore. With all my being I want to take the bike down a hill and jump off leaving fatty and fatty mcbutter pants to fend for themselves but like I said, I'm a whore. I knew it would be a slow day and I could use the fare)

After dropping them at the White House they walk down the path and on their way back to me one of them actually stops a secret service bike cop. When they get back to the cab I find out he started asking the cop about all the barriers and talking about his political views and after he mentioned the word "president," they took his ID and took down all his information. He's probably on a watch list now...

My day would have been much sweeter if they just arrested him and had to use four pairs of handcuffs all linked together. I'd have taken pictures of that!

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