Sunday, March 30, 2008

We Could've Made Sex Panther

... but my next pet is totally going to be a Florida Panther.

We had an 8 week old Florida Panther and a Cougar visit the studios to promote that big cats don't make good pets. I think the execution was a totally off the mark because they were adorable. If you don't want people to get dangerous beasts as pets, bring in a full-grown Cougar and watch it destroy a mannequin.

This is what they brought in to promote them being bad pets...






























I'm very intimidating:

I Couldn't Help Myself...

I just don't remember little Timmy smoking the opium. Oh well... it'll put hair on his chest...

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Wendy's Update

Alright people.

As some of you may know, last September I was angered by horrendous customer service at a Wendy's here in MD. I wrote a letter... old-person style.

Turns out, they never got it. But the lady on the phone gave me their fax number an suggested I fax it again. Well tomorrow, when those scumbags at Wendy's get into work, a fat letter of contempt from me will be waiting on their slimy fax machine.

I really do like Wendy's and haven't eaten there since this happened. I haven't been eating any fast food really in a while, and while I'm sure it's good for me, I should be allowed to get wasted and want Wendy's. This is America dammit.

I will update as soon as they act on their poor customer service and general incompetence.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

The New Will Ferrell Plan


I saw Semi-Pro and for a lack of a quick mind today, i'll say it was semi-good. (Feel free to punch me in the face the next time you see me for that.)

They say if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I couldn't agree more, but I'm growing tired... and annoyed. Sure Will Ferrell's movies are funny, but I'm getting bored. Furthermore, at some point where do Will Ferrell and his characters actually become him. If I saw him in the street, I wouldn't talk to him like a normal person. I'd approach him like he was a complete jackass.

Fear not. I have a new plan that will skyrocket this man's career. (because it is clear he is not making any money...) 45 minute movies. If all of the half-assed Ferrell movie were 45 minutes, you could cut so much of the crap out of them and leave in all the funny stuff. Imagine if Semi-Pro, Blades of Glory, Talladega Nights and Kicking and Screaming were 45 minutes long. They'd be terrific.

Plus, put 2 of them back-to-back and you have a double feature!

As far as Semi-Pro goes... good. It's no Old School, it's not Anchorman. Everyone knows his shtick and at this point I feel like I could even write the scripts for his movies. Best part of the movie: the dirty hippie. Watch it and find out what i'm talking about if you feel inclined.

Last note: the promos for the movie were better than the movie I think. Even this Bud Light Commercial was better than 75% of the movie.