Friday, January 25, 2008

People at the Bank are Douches

I took a lovely trip to the bank today to deposit the paycheck I received over a week ago and actually had a great time. I like to do the drive through because, well standing isn't always for me. Plus, you can still listen to tunes while in line...

As depicted in the sketch below (professionally done), there are 2 drive through windows. When I pulled up, both were occupied. I decided to not make a commitment on which window to use because I wanted the next free one. No need pulling up to #1 if #2 would be the next available window. I was next in line, I feel I should have the choice. (pro-choice)

So this "manly dude-man" in a "hot" mustang pulls up behind me and starts honking and waving his hands as to indicate that I needed to choose a lane. Not only did I need to make this life-changing decision, but I needed to do it NOW! As I sort of threw my hands up with the "eh I don't wanna" gesture he inched closer and started rev-ing his engine. Big balls this guy has. I did not panic or feel rushed as I knew I was next.

So finally drive through #1 opened and I pulled up to the squak box and the mustang raced into #2's lane only to wait behind the individual still be helped by the nice lady inside.

(Though Experiment ... simple thought experiment: what if the person in #2 was doing something that took tons of time and I were to finish before them? Then mustang bro would basically get bumped to 3rd in line instead of his original 2nd spot )

This did not happen though, and it wasn't life altering either. So now I'm side by side with the broseph causing all this rucus, and perhaps, damage to his engine. I put the passenger window down and he got all heated.
"Pick a lane?!"
"Well I was waiting next for the next open window..."
"You have two cars behind you, there's a line!"
"Both windows were full so I decided to wait."
"(Something inaudible, realizing he's douche)"
"It's not taking any longer for you get served."
"whatever" (puts his arm in front of his face as to block the conversation)
"Thank's for your patience today, Sir!"

How does this horribly slow and dull story end? He drives his car onto Rockville Pike when finished and is immediately slammed into by a semi-trailer and dies on impact!

Actually I don't know, because I was gone when he finished because I waited for the next open window!

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

They've Gone and Ruined American Gladiators

Jesus may have died for you, but I watched the new American Gladiators for you. Jesus got off easy. If anyone was excited to see the resurrection of one of the greatest television physical contests, it was me. American Gladiators disappeared in 1996, and the only solid physical contest to be televised in between is Ninja Warrior. (Legends of the Hidden the Temple finished in 1995, or it would have been numero uno) So needless to say there was some anticipation building up. The show is hosted by Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali, so it had potential as well. The stage was set, all things looked to be in order and then BAM: let down of the year… so far.

First off, the contestants don’t need to be heroes with back stories. This ain’t American Idol, it’s about beating people up, plain and simple. I don't care where Joe Contestant is from let alone what he does for a living and what he needs $100,000 for. Then they interview the contenders non-stop as if they have anything of value to say. The camera angles are crazy too. Just give me one camera angle where I can see everything I need to. The more you move the camera around, the more likely I am to catch vertigo in my living room. Whats the deal with all the sparks flying around while they're competing? If I were a contender, I’d be pissed that I was always getting wet whenever I fell off an elevated object and had to continue competing while slightly damp. (leads to swamp ass...) The one cool thing is that the Eliminator looks better than the original. It appears that anything really can happen when two people go head to head on it and is quite tiresome.

In closing, the new American Gladiators is a total failure and Hulk Hogan disappoints just like when he lost his title to The Undertaker at Survivor Series in 1991. Yeah, I went there.

Stick with Ninja Warrior kids…