Meth Linked to Andre Agassi's Hair Loss

According to Andre Aggasi's new autobiography, he smoked some crystal meth back in 1997. Oooooo - well whoopide-freakin'-do!

What outrages me about this is that other tennis players are outraged themselves. It's not a performance enhancing drug by any stretch of the imagination. I bet it's hard as shit to play tennis not even high on crystal meth but even the day after smoking crystal meth! If he was able to be one the best tennis players of all time, en beteven though he slumped during his meth using days, then bravo to him. That makes him even better than we originally thought!

Rafael Nadal said something to the extent of "This is terrible, why is he saying this now that he's retired?" TO SELL BOOKS YOU MORON! One day when Nadal is retired his autobiography will probably contain stories of cross-dressing prostitution, but at least he'll know then, that he's really just saying it because his days of high paying sponsorships are over. Pimps gotta get paid, 'ya know?!

It's not like he was hiding in the corner of the court rocking back and forth tweaking out, making people nervous that he would pop up and shank them in the throat or anything like that!

Remember when Ricky Williams was kicked out of the NFL for smoking weed? Ridiculous. If he could smoke and run the crap out of the football, they should have said, "that's completley amazing - you a truly gifted athlete, please come to my team for millions and millions of dollars and we'll convince you to quit so you can be even greater."

Yes, athletes doing drugs is looked down upon because they are supposed to be role-models for the kids. When can we say as a nation that that idea is absurd?

Tim Lincecum of the San Fransico Giants was just arrested for marijuana possesion and the kid (he's like 23) had a pitching record of 15-7 this year. That's good! He's a great pitcher and could be a hall 'o famer some day. Now he's gotta deal with this.

In closing - to say that athletes shouldn't use performance enanching drugs like HGH but shouldn't be given crap for recrational drug use is in fact, not hypocritical. Oh, and tennis is boring.

When The Teabaggers Come Back...

we all win. As a pedicabber, I'll invite 10,000 people down to the national mall any day of the week! The Teabaggers (hehe) were back again today because FOX News told them to do so. And just like last time, they tip well. Ultimately, they don't want my family to exist and think I'm going to hell, but I WILL take their money. suckers.

The lack of knowledge these people possess about how government really works could be the most horrifying thing about it to. Or maybe it's a pure blinding hatred thing involving the President. But I had a teabagger ask me today on the cab, "Do you need a liscense to do this?" I said, "No, pedicabs aren't regulated in this city yet." Immediatley he responded, "Well wait until Obama gets his hands on it."

UGH. It's not nice to tell people who you are relying on a tip for that they are in fact, a moron. I said, "Actually, Washington D.C. is it's own city with it's own government. We have our own taxicab commision that is trying to deal with it. Obama has bigger issues to deal with than liscening 40 pedicabs."

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The other thing I'll mention that irritated me, besides everything was after the rally was over, they were encouraging people to head up to Nancy Pelosi's office for a sit-in. I almost feel like these people aren't worthy enough to take part in such a historically strong protest method. The sit-in is most notable for its role in the civl rights movement. These teabaggers (not to generalize) are racists.

So please come back soon so the pedicab business can boom. And please continue buying crap (illegally) like "don't tread on me" flags from dudes on the street who have no liscense to sell and are most definitley illegal immigrants.

Mini Road Trip - South Carolina(ish)

My consolation prize for smashing my car and messing up my buddy's vacation plans was a nice little rental Hyndai Accent that the insurance company covered most of, for 7 days. So he and I went down to his Dad's house on Dawtaw Island in South Carolina (just outside Beaufort). It's essentially a retirement(ish) country club community. It takes about 9 - 10 hours depending on how strong your need to stop at South Of The Border is...

The car ride there and back wasn't bad at all as it was filled with Animaniacs sing-a-longs, revisitng albums of our youth, rap battles and some smelly farts. But in total I put over 1,600 miles on that little car. I'd recommend checking it out if you need to buy a little cheap car.

One day we golfed, one day we went to Charleston and the following day to Savannah, Georgia. All in all it was a good time. Pictures are on facebook for your conmsumption.

The one thing I do need to point out is the BBQ we had. Amazing stuff. A la Veggie Booty:

Don't worry I put hot sauce on it. And I did this to it:


I guess thats not really healthy living, huh? If I lived in Beaufort, SC I would weigh approximatley 400 lbs. I'd also be a redneck hillbilly who knows nothing of the world and hates that Tiger Woods guy in the oval office... but fortunatley I'm not.

Also, the road trip is being re-thought / re-tooled - not all hope is dead yet. Stay tuned...

Pedicab Confessionals 2.1

Let me tell you a story about a nice young beared Jewish fellow who got royally screwed.

The day was something like Tuesday, November 3, 2009. It was a slow day pedicabbing on the Nation's Mall, but the young pedicabber who for the sake of anonymity, we'll call, Brian Graber, had a fantastic book to read.

Ok I can't write like this much longer without poking my eyeballs out.

I talked to a young prego and Air Force hubby before they went into the Air and Space Museum. They said after it closed at 5:30, they'd want to see the Capitol, White House and Lincoln Memorial. I said we usually get $60 an hour. She said they didn't really have that kind of money, I said whatever, we'll work something out.

The time comes and off we go to see this crap. We do the Capitol and head down Pennsylania Ave. We stop at the ATM so they can eventually pay me and then CVS so they can get a disposable camera. They come out of CVS saying he left his ATM card in the ATM. Moron. We go back. After its been taken (it's still DC, fools) we head to the White House and down to the Lincoln. I'm waiting forever for them at the Lincoln and they finally come back to me at 6:50, almost an hour and a half after picking them up. (Keeping in mind that they're going to give me less than $60)

They said they wanted to check out the Vietnam Memorial and I said, "I gotta go. I've been out with you guys for a while and I gotta be back around 7."
'Oh I'm sorry we didn't know," she said. "We were taking out time, if I knew you had to go we would have hurried."

SO YOU'RE OK TAKING YOUR TIME WHEN I'M ALREADY CUTTING YOU A FUCKING DEAL ON THE MONEY? (they're from Savannah, Georgia. Not intelligent.)

I get them back to the metro just after 7pm and they give me, wait for it... $29.
Now this isn't the end of the world by any stretch of the imagination, but definitley shitty.

To make matter worse, when we were on Penn. Ave, she said her feet were cold because she was wearing sandals like a moron. I told her I had a clean pair of sock in my bag if she wanted to borrow them - she accepted. Well in my rage/annoyance for only getting $29 bucks I let her walk with my nice fucking socks. Again, not the end of the world by any stretch of the imagingation but the botton line is: fuck those guys.

When Is It Okay?

One of my new most favorite blogs belongs to my friend Laura. It's called District Ramblings. She actually writes about interesting things worth reading most of the time in comparison to me, who never writes anything worth reading.

Long story short, she elicits some very strong reactions from her readers (friends) and usually can provide me with a day full of entertainment and arguing with strangers (not MY friends).

Today the topic was essentially, would you give up meat to be with Natalie Portman? The answer: In a heartbeat. But someone who was responding and didn't actually answer the question used the term "manjuice" [sic]. That alone made my day.

When is it okay to use the phrase "man juice?" Just amongst close personal friends? In an open forum where you can hide your identity? In Presidential speeches? Israli Bond pitches? Golf courses? Or just general every day conversation?

Do you have any other favorite phrases that are commonly overlooked in society?

Gaslight Anthem/Murder By Death/Loved Ones - 9:30 Club - Washington D.C.

Anything I could write would not be as succinct or accurate as what Andy wrote.
Same show, but in D.C with my buddy Ross. Good times all around!

A few things I want to mention in bullet format:

• I feel like I've seen this show a million times and I'm always uber-excited to see it again.
  
• Holy crap Dave Hause has hair?! And a lot of it too. We thought he was balding so he just made an effort to shave what little he had all the time. We were wrong - dude's hair is wild.
• Every time I see The Loved Ones live, I love them even more and Andy is right when he says it's probably the best set I've ever seen them play.
• I forget on which song by former Loved Ones bassist, Mike "Spider" Cotterman came out and played on maybe Arsenic or Player Hater Anthem. Shit was solid.
• This was the first time I've seen Murder By Death live and their singer's voice does not match his look at all. Very interesting, just bizarre.
• They turned the sound way up for Gaslight which kinda distorted it which was upsetting. But either way they're playing to bigger crowds who know their music and it almost feels like maybe when you've realized that you're baby has grown up. Andy has it right when he says that they need to play more from Sink and Swim.
  

Crushed Dreams

The road trip has been officially postponed indefinitely. The good news is that I will not be left without a car. It's being fixed at the moment and I should have it back in the next 2 weeks.

Q: So why not leave as soon as it's done? (I know that's what you're asking)
A: The trip I wanted to do was planned to take about 4-5 weeks and end up in Boca Raton, FL for Thanksgiving. If I were to leave when the car is finished, there is no way that could happen.

I also managed to screw one of my best friends over because he was planning on coming from Chicago to San Fran with me. So now he has to rearrange his life.

However, this will happen at some point. I promise myself.

In short: awesome week.
See you all soon - especially since I am not going anywhere.

FML

Real quick, I just want to say that on a freezing cold night one spring I was sharing a tent on the campus of Rutgers with my buddy Andy. We were cold and had some warm pbr's and tried to watch the Incredibles. On that night we coined the acronym FML. This was before some douche allowed thousands of people to post fake accounts of their supposedly crappy adventures. F that guy. We demand our royalty checks.

In real FML news (for those who don't know):


Yeah, that just happened Saturday night. I was supposed to leave this coming Friday for a trip across the country in this car. I'm not sure whats going to happen yet. I really needed this trip in a big way so I'm going to do what I can.

The lesson to be learned here is: If you feel bad and are wearing sweatpants under no circumstances should you put real pants on to go socialize...

Test Run

Blog Action Day 2OO9, Son!

Let's rap about climate change for a hot minute in honor of Blog Action Day. Through the power of moving pictures and annoying hippies, we've become aware that yes, it is a fact that the Earth is going through some changes. One may claim that these changes are "normal" and that everyone goes through it. But Earth isn't going through puberty, it's going through... uh...um... it's having a stroke?!


Either way my buddies and potential future career move, The Polar Bears, who are left-handed and can't help it, are literally drowning. Just like Uncle Graber, Polar Bears aren't able to swim the increasingly long distances between sheets of ice. According to the National Wildlife Federation, last year the Department of the Interior listed the Polar Bear as threatened, under the Endangered Species Act.

Some claim that 2/3 of the Polar Bear population could be gone by 2050. This upsets me. 2050 is only 40 years away. In 2050 I'll turn 65 years old. That's old. You can help by signing a petition here.

In closing, don't be a schmuck and let these Polar Bears die. Arguably, they want to kill you too, but c'mon! If they die, who will bring you delicious Coca-Cola during Christmas time? Do you want to be the one responsible for upsetting Jesus?!